Everyone believes that their mother is the best mother on earth.
Because she is... to that child at least.

And I... like any other child in the world... I believe that mum is the most kick ass, strongest, funniest and the purest soul ever existed.
I also believe... with the little time she was in my life, she managed to raise a nice, good hearted and strong little girl. (not so little anymore... and not that strong either...just let me have it this time)

I owe my mother,
For so many things, one is her story that shadows my life every day.
The story of strength, will power and unconditional love not only to her family but to the world and eveyone around her.
She didn't like writing but she always wanted to write her story, she always said "I should write a book about my life" "I can't believe I've been through all that" "It will give people something to whine about"
If my mum did write that book... it will be mistaken for fiction... for there's a no way someone will endure what she did... and be as kind as she was, and strong as she was and as hopeful.

This is a story of strength, of hope, a story of faith and of pure love.
This is My Mother's Story...

So mum,
I will write it...
It won't be great, I won't give you justice!
You should've lived a bit more and wrote it yourself.

ps. I will try to write this as light hearted as possible, so if you read an uncalled for joke... read  pass it.

Chapter 1: My Mother Was The Strong Kind

She loved telling stories and I loved hearing them.
As the youngest and the only girl, I managed to know my mum the most, see... I have the patience to hear the same story over a 1000 time and still act like it's the first time, I even ask questions to know more, She had a nice voice and a nicer laugh!
She was always lively, talkative and spot on funny. If my mum shared a story of her own she is not sharing it because she wants to talk about herself, but more to inspire you or teach you a lesson.

Believe me, let her talk, there's nothing funny about when she gets mad!
Her stories always end with a smile or a loud laugh anyways, better than her pulling on your ear to clean up your act.

My mum was a middle child, brought up in a household of 5 sisters and 4 brothers to loving parents (at least that's what she always told me) they had so many family members like uncles and grandparents living with them (that I fail to remember who's who and when's when) but I do remember the stories.
My mum was attached to her family, especially her dad... I never met my grandfather but I've always wanted to... My granny was the best though.

Mum lived a happy childhood, it was to her! She had her brothers, sisters and so many people around and they lived a simple life. Mum didn't ask for much, she wanted to work, move to Amman and buy loads of shoes. Mum always looked good even in her school uniform... I don't measure up!

The reason my mum was a huge fan of her dad is because he always pushed her to be strong, saying stuff like "You're the daughter of a man, no man can scare you" "I know my daughters and I know what I raised... Strong girls" "Don't let anyone tell you're doing anything wrong as long as I know" "You want to go the city to work... go... I trust you" no wonder I wanted to meet him, he sounds like a great dad. but I did get to meet him and hear those words... through her!

My grandmother is nothing like my granddad... she was too kind.... tooooo kinddd
Feeding neighbours, helping other women out, my grandmother took her brothers in to raise them with her kids cause her mother died and she didn't want them to grow up on their own.
We say "Teta" for granny so... My Teta was known for always cooking more than enough food, cause you never knew who might come in and be hungry.
I remember love going to Jerash, cause it meant Teta's hugs, Teta let us do whatever we want and we get away with it and of course... THE FOOD! me eating Teta's food,and from her plate too.... not her Knafeh plate I must admit!! she was from Nablus and boyy do they like extra sweet on what's already sweet enough *Sweet heart attack 5 seconds from hapening!!*

Ending note here is ... My grandpa taugh my mum to be strong, Teta taugh her to be kind!
And my mum was the Stong Kind... who makes amzing food

Chapter 2: Proving She Was The Stronger Kind

When my mum was in 6th grade she had some gland problems which effected her growth, nothing major but her height stopped at 160cm, something that entertained me... messing with her, because I'm taller was always fun, but her comeback are 10x funnier and they burn like hell.
Whenever I call her shorty, or put my elbow on her head she gives me a face I can't describe...
The one that says "I'm gonna kick your ass if you don't take your elbow off my head" kida face! can you imagine it.
What's even funnier; is when she lashes out, I dare you to stop laughing once you hear "My hight stopped when I was in 6th grade" "They said I will fail the year, but I studied even when I was in the hospital and passed that year with flying colours" "What can YOU say for yourself you tall pine tree" "Hansagwasha" which might mean scarecrow in circassian no one knows!

I don't know what use to make me laugh, her weirdly spoken Arabic, or her the squeaky yet soft voice she use to yell at us with.

After she graduated, she went to Amman to work, She lived with my oldest Aunt (her sister).
She loved her nephews way too much, they were the world to her and having them was everything she could ask for... I was always jealous of them and of the fun stories they had.

When she was 22, my dad went to grandpa and asked her hand for marriage, I know from my mum that she felt pressured (something she taught me not to feel), she was single, living with her sister and her family, dad sounded like a good man, -grandpa said so- and she can't say no to grandpa, poor man didn't know!

See, back in the day, life was easier...
Everyone knew everyone, grandpa didn't force her but he said it's about time, mum was cool with the idea... She always talked about it like it didn't matter, that woman was carefree to the max!

Whenever she use to tell me the story, it always went something like this...
"Well I was in Amman, your dad proposed I was living with your aunt and uncle, we didn't have a wedding like I wanted to, but I remember when I took the boys (my cousins) to the cinema, it was the first cinema in Jordan, then we went to have ice cream and laughed till our stomach hurt, then there was this nice boutique I use to buy my shoes from, they bring the shoes from Italy, and there was this magazine that we use to pick styles from and give it to the tailor..... not like you these days everyone is copy paste, wear whatever you want if they say anything let them answer to me"

WHAT! yes I know!
My mum had this thing....
No matter what's the story she telling, it always twists into something that will make you laugh or at least smile, I know how she did it, cause I can do it too... simply think too fast and speak just as fast and see what comes out at the end... absolute chaos that will crack you up from confusion.
“WHAT ARE WE EVEN TALKING ABOUT”

Cause when you do that, your brain will take you to happier place. postive minds do that not regular ones. It's like she's always reminding you, that even in the bad times, remember what good! in a weird fashion.

Chapter 3: That Kind Of Strong

My mum brought us up very well, she was a working mother, a caring mother, our best friend, our own personal clown, herbal doctor.... she was unbelievable, it was like magic.
She use to wake up before we did, make us breakfast, get us ready, wait with us for bus, help us to prepare our sandwiches, coffee ready for dad, and she's looking amazing and ready for work.
That woman had magic and 5 kids to use her spells onto.

I was raised by an old woman you guys, mum had me when she was 42 so when I was 8 she was 50 (a fact I became aware of when I got her death certificate) but she didn't look that old, not how I remember her at least. Her health was bad, but no one could guess!

Mum suffered quite a bit in her life (more than a bit but lets me nice here) but it never show, she felt it... but she focused on the happier bits... when we were looking at least!

When my mum was 7 month pregnant with my third brother, she had a brain stroke due to a fall that almost killed her, she slipped and fell down, cracking her head on a marble table and passing out.
Mum went in a coma, and due to the fall she lost a lot of blood. The blood was infected with Hepatitis C (something we found out about right before she died) it was in the 70s medicine was not that advance -so they say-
My brother was fine, he was given the medical attention he needed, when he was cleared out my Teta took him to care for him in my mother's absence.
Mum on the other hand was thought dead, the chances of her waking up were slim to none.

When they were about to disconnect her from the machines..
Boo ya! my mum wakes up with just a.... memory loss!

Mum regained her memory short after, but she can't remember falling, being pregnant or anything related to the incident. Whenever she spoke about it, she used to space out, like she's trying to see something so small, far far away.
There was a small drop of blood in her brain, doctors said it only effects her memory and nothing more.
I knew about that drop of blood before I knew what happened to mum. Whenever my mum and dad got in a fight he would mention that she's mad... she was mad, mad funny!
They fought just like any married couple would, dad starts the fight, mum ends it... giggling.

She was mad though, mad positive about anything and everything, mad about her kids, mad generous, mad strong and mad funny.


When she got back to normal, or what seemed to the world as normal, mum was under the family's harsh judgment, she always told me about it, I still hear about it...
My third brother stayed at my Teta's and was brought up by her, the family claims she never asked him back... but I know she did

My mum was attached to her mum, she loved her so much, she couldn't bother an ant let alone her own mother -that gene skipped me I believe-

I will not share what I know of the story, but I'll share what she use to tell me when I ask about it.
"I may not have a memory of being pregnant with him, but he's mine" "Whenever I asked her to get him back, she tells me when you're feeling better" "Whenever we come to visit she hold on to him" "She grew attached to him" "She actually asked me keep him" "I am his mother you know"
When my brother came to live with us after Teta's death, it was hard on both of them, they both lost their mother.
quote "He must be the best, there's no other option for him, I made him and the woman who made me raised him... and no one can raise better than her" "He's not only my child he's also my brother too" "She probably did a far better job raising him than I could've"
And still... the family till this day calls her on it even after she's dead! If they only knew that she actually loved him more than us four.

It was so hard for her, I remember the morning Teta died, she came and crawled in my bed like a child would, I remember waking up to her cuddling me with tears in her eyes, she was not as strong as she thought she would be.
I was 9 years old, I remember her speech, because 10 years later I felt how she felt.

That story might took more paragraphs than expected, but it's the story that mattered the most to her, so let the tears fall and blind me from writing, I know she want this written.
Cause it tore her apart!

Chapter 4: Miraculous Kind Of Strong

Next up!
Mum becoming a medical miracle - laugh crying at the moment- but it is true.
Mum had herniated disk in all of her back disks (I don't know if I phrased this medically correct, I'm no doctor) but anyone else in her condition shouldn't be able to move, walk or do anything.
My uncle (her brother) is a physiotherapist and I remember she told me he took the x-rays to showcase it to other doctors aboard... and guess what  "They say that there's no way she can move or walk...  well I move, I walk, and I run after you guys, clean your room because your lazy little brats... you... you die when you get your period... bfff" she had a thing... I think people call it -sticking it to you at the end!- it's a talent I took notes of!

Mum was no one to break, I may have seen her weak moment when she talked to me, but never let it last, she had someone to be strong for, someone to prepare to be strong too... I hope I didn't fail her!

Oh I'm done yet!
Cause it didn't end up there, she had my forth brother then me (my brother came smoothly, I thought I was at an amusement park not a womb.... I get confused still... so I came two weeks before my time... caused her hernia.. oops), They told her not to have more children but my mum never listens, she wants a girl!!... the apple doesn't fall far from the tree after all!

When I was in 8th grade, mum got hit by a bus!
She was thrown across the street because some reckless asshole (allow me to say that) was driving on the wrong side of road... I heard the stories before but now I'm living them.
I saw my mum dying for the first time in my life, she was saying goodbye to me and her voice is barely heard, she didn't even look like mum.
I remember I stopping her, I told her "You're going to be alright, I need you" and she did stop!

One day I come back from school and hear her calling for me... now I was barely 14... I was so excited and so scared my heart was about to explode.. cause I couldn't differentiate if it's true or if I'm hallucinating. She knew how easily confused and easily excitable I am and she was waiting for me do something stupud and I did.. me, my youngest brother (who's older than me) and her were laughing cause I almost fell of the strais.
She was just back from the dead and she still had it in her to make us happy, after the accident she told me about what she felt when the bus hit her...
What mattered at the end is what she said at the end... "I came back for you... they told me you need me"

She was my miracle...

Chapter 5: Strong Enough But Not Strong Enough

They say near death expereinces really show you what matters and who matters, it makes you value you own life. Had one of those with her 2 years after the bus accident... this time in was in the car and dad driving.

I held of to her from the back, cause if there was anthing to happen to her, let it happen to me too, there is no life for me without her. she was alright and so was dad.
My thoughts on my mother changed, I knew I wouldn't survive a day without her, and no I didn't clean up my act, I was just as annoying as ever and loved her just a bit more.

Not so long after that near death experience, mum started getting pain in her stomach, to be honest... I was so used to mum being in pain... it was ordinary!
But what's not ordinary is mum saying I need to go to the hospital...
I was about to graduate from high school, I didn't know what was going on but I knew nothing good was happening, so I made sure I was there every minute of everyday... (I wasn't the greatest to be around, and I was not as strong as she was) but I managed to pull it through just for her and show her that I'm ok and it's all gonna be ok... and make a joke about it... like we always do!

The details of this expereince, were so bad... I couldn't imagine that she went through something like that before without me around (again I wasn't that great... but I wouldn't let her go through this alone)

The results cam out....

Gastric Adenocarcinoma Type C, Liver Cirrhosis, Spleen Enlargement, Swallowing in the Stomach Veins and of course as mention earlier... Hepatitis C in her blood.

Words that will haunt me till the day I die, I was only 19!
The story is quite dramatic... Sad and heartbreaking and not one I can write about for I don't know how she really felt!

But she finally felt at peace, finally felt strong enough to leave or maybe not strong enough to stay.
But she was always that strong no matter what life threw at her.

Chapter 6: In Strong Memory

Her last 2 days were an example of how great she was and how amazing she was to those around her. She had her family around her, her sons, her brothers, her nieces and her nephews surrounding her!

It breaks my heart writing about this, but my mum was such a strong example and a person I could never be. She was so nice, so kind and soo sweet, caring, loving, funny and fun!
And oh how beautiful she was... till the very end!

And until the very end she held on to life, not because she wanted to live, I know she was exhausted!
But she held on to life because of me.

She gave up her life, dreams and years for us kids, I never knew how speical I was to her until the end, I was a complete bitch at the end but she loved me still.

She didn't go because she wanted to... truth is
I asked her to... I wispered my last words to her!
And at 6:00 am that night she took off... to what I hope is a better world!

My mum's health was not the only thing, my mum is a hard example to follow, no matter what life threw at her she welcomed it with open arms... She's wasn't a religious person, but she loved god though he took what she loved and put her through situations no man can bare... she was that strong! that hopeful, that positive, that strong!
She believed god tests the ones he loves... and she always said "He must love the most" with a smirk on top! she was good and she did so much good... I know she's in a good place!

Every time I go through anything, I remember her...
Good, bad... She's always there!
I'm always scared she will come back as a ghost to kick my ass if I do something wrong or something that won't make her proud.

She was a strong woman, a beautiful soul gone too soon...
But she lived a life where giving up was not option, tears were not allowed...
She was going through hell and she managed to smile, laugh and make everyone smile with her!

No matter what people said, or did!
She knew that kindness is key!
To what I have no idea...

I wish I can be a quarter of the mother she was to my own daughter one day.
And if my daughter ever comes to life... I will tell her all about you ma'!
You better look after her like you look after me.

She was born strong, lived strong, grew old strong and until this minute her presence and her memory are just as strong! and it will always be.