Marriage. Just the sound of it sends a shiver down my spine, a constitutional contract I've eyed with suspicion since my teens. Funny, considering I willingly became a contracted marketer. Freedom, you see.

Maybe it's because I saw too much, too young. What we now politely label "trauma response" was, for me, an early peek behind the societal curtain, especially the Middle Eastern one. And at that tender age, I concluded: I'd never be wife material. So, why bother? That's when the (ill-fated) hunt for "the one" began. Spoiler alert: the very thing that scarred me initially came back for an encore, multiple times. Infidelity. Cheating. It seemed to validate that "not good enough" narrative for some. Personally, I think I'm pretty awesome, but maybe my ADHD throws off the balance, even for me.

This "hunt" – and let's be real, it felt like a predator-prey situation – unveiled some harsh truths about why people avoid marriage. Firstly, nobody seems to truly grasp what it means, despite its surface simplicity. Adults have twisted it into a Gordian knot of expectations. I was seeking love and partnership; marriage, in my ideal world, would be the paperwork to solidify that. But in the society, I navigate, people might adore you, keep you close, yet still seek something (or someone) else. So, imagine that dynamic within a marriage. The "someone else" they seek might not even be what they expected, even though it's often glorified as perfect. Make it make sense, please.

My romantic history? Let's just say I've been on both sides of the infidelity coin – cheated on, then (unintentionally) the "other woman." I've been the initial love, then the discarded ex. Then, the ex's ex came crawling back. The sheer responsibility of it all! Life itself is a hefty enough burden with bills and taxes, let alone juggling multiple partners.

So, I've opted out. While the idea of a family – little humans to teach and share adventures with – is appealing, marriage feels like a messy, unreliable contract. Maybe I'll change my mind and find my "one," but honestly, I've never inherently believed in the institution. Yet, paradoxically, a specific marriage with the right person? That feels like life itself.

My go-to guy repellent? Dropping the M-word. And if they don't run screaming? Cue my internal panic. It's a dream with the right person, but with anyone else? A certified nightmare.